took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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