good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
