Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
