be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
