just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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