Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
vagina is talking i cant
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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