your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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