My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
