I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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