i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
