Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
