Apparently you make a good broom.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
