she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
