I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
