If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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