I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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