Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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