sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
