you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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