her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm at about main and main street
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
