Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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