Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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