I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
