You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I skipped work to stalk him.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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