Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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