so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
