Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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