Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
