Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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