I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
