Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Girls should come with a carfax report
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
