I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
