Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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