Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
