why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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