i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
