I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
