apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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