that's an acceptable place to lick
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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