My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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