he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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