i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
