I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
