at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
