She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
