Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
