youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
