she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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