dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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