booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
