Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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