it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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