Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
