Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
