My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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