allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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