He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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