areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
